At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
