Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
