he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
