ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
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