He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize