Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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