recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
