great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
