we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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