Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
