i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
