im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
