we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize