Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
