Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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