I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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