The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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