it wasn't lemon gatorade
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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