I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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