Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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