I'm so fucking centered right now
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
