The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize