Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
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She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
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I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.