Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?