Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
