Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
