I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
