hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
