can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
