I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
