If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
