cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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