Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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