Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
We got so high we made milksteak
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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