You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
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It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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