ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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