We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
