2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
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