happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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