Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
