Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
