i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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