I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
