Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
