After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize
