i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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