he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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