you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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