I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
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whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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