Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
