so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
We are two peas in an std pod
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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