Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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