I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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