And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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