laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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