I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
