So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
