Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
