I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I party with great urgency now.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
